The Zelda Characters Go........CAMPING!
by Darth Meatloaf
Summary: The Zelda characters go on a camping trip, as commanded by God. Little do they realize that the disgruntled Supporting characters from all Genres are plotting to KILL THEM ALL!!! UPDATE: Your prayers have been answered; It's chapter three!!!
1. Chapter one: The semi-plot forms...

The Zelda Characters go…CAMPING!

Disclaimer: MSTs rule, FF.N stinks for banning them (I'd use a more descriptive term, but I'd be removed from the site) and I don't own diddlysquat. 'Kay?

And so, I return to the Fanfiction scene! NICE TO SEE YOU ALL!

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*Late one night, in Link's house, Link is sleeping (duh)*

Link: *Talking in his sleep* Zelda…Oh, Zelda-

Deep Booming Voice: AWAKE! (a/n: This is NOT me)

Link: *Sits bolt upright* I DIDN'T DO IT! I DIDN'T DO IT! I-…huh?

DBV: ARISE, LINK!

Link: *Looking up* Who are you? And why are you speaking all in caps?

DBV: BECAUSE I SAID SO! THIS IS THE VOICE OF GOD!!!! *Drums and harps play in the background*

Link: Nice try, GGGuy.

DBV: WHAT DO YOU MEAN, GGGUY?

Link: Stop it, GGGuy. You tried this before and it didn't work.

DBV: WHAT? I OUGHT TO POUND YOU…I MEAN…WHO IS THIS GGGUY? I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!

Link: Well, If you're God, than what's the meaning of life?

DBV: BOOGERS! LOTS N' LOT OF BOOGERS! AND CLEAN SPANDEX, TOO!

Link: What's the 51st word of the bible?

DBV: HOW SHOULD I KNOW? I NEVER READ IT!

Link: Oh. Well, that's okay. I haven't read it either, since we Hylians don't have god.

DBV: SILENCE! *Lightning flashes, and a blackened and smoking fairy flutters past the door outside, swearing*

DBV: *Suddenly normal* Now go on a D*#& camping trip.

Link: Why?

DBV: *SIGH* ahem…. BECAUSE I COMMANDED YOU! NOW _GO_, OR SUFFER MY WRATH!

Link: I won't go by myself. I'm afraid of the dark.

DBV: I'm glad you mentioned that. Here are your friends. *A snapping noise is heard, and the Zelda characters fall from out of nowhere into Link's front yard*

Link: What the heck? Why did you do that?

DBV: GOODBYE, LINK! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rauru: I'M DEAD _SEXY!_

Skullkid: *Has a metal thing shoved in his nose* did you know you can pick your nose with a periscope? IT'S REALLY COOL!

Ruto: I have to go to the bathroom!

Impa: *Sitting on an easy chair, eating a huge bucket of chips* GAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!! I WAS WATCHING A "The Brady Bunch" rerun! PUT ME BACK!

Zelda: *Sitting next to her* Impa, you weren't watching that! I distinctly remember that you were watching the-

Impa: *Clamps a hand over Zelda's mouth* SSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! ZIP IT! Do you want everyone to know?

Rauru: OOH! VITTLES! NUMMY!!! *Takes a flying leap at Impa, who rolls off the easy chair seconds before Rauru impacts it, sending chunks of wood, metal and cheese everywhere* (a/n: Pretty long action, huh?)

Darunia: *Wearing a _HUGE_ "Star Wars" t-shirt and playing with a toy Lightsaber* NO FAIR! I was in line for Episode II! (a/n: Or Episode III, depending on the time period you read this in)

Malon: *holding a soda in one hand and a remote control in the other* GO BLUE MAN GROUP! WOOHOO! YOUR COMMERCIALS RUUUUUULE!!!!!

Ganondorf: *Holding a fake microphone and singing to the tune of YMCA* IT'S REALLY FUN TO BE E-V-I-L! I SAID IT'S FUN TO BE E-V-I-L! AND- …*Notices everyone looking at him* ……………………WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT?

Link: *Falls to his knees* WHAT HAVE I DONE? GODDESSES, WHAT HAVE I DONE? *Breaks into tears*

*Meanwhile, in some evil part of Hyrule*

*A bunch of dark figures are sitting around a table in a small room, dimly lit so their faces can't be seen*

Figure 1: The thirty-third meeting of the council of annoying supporting characters will come to order! 

All: HUZZAH!

Figure 1: And now, for our motto!

Figure 2: Do we HAVE to do this motto?

Figure 1: Hmmmmlemmethink…uh…YES!

All: TO ANNOY OTHERS INTO A STUPID DAZE!

            TO CRUSH ALL OTHERS WHO STAND IN OUR WAYS!

            TO DENOUNCE TO EVILS OF ACTING WEIRD!

            TO FINALLY GET OUR HATED NAMES CLEARED!

            THE COUNCIL OF ANNOYING SUPPORTING CHARACTERS!

SOON WE WILL HAVE THE MAJOR ROLES!

            AND HAVE THE UNIVERSE IN _OUR_ CONTROL!

Figure 1: First order of business! Who broke the light bulb in here? I can't see a thing!

Figure 2: We look WAY cooler this way.

Figure 1: Fine by me. Okay, second order of business: We have received word that Link and his friends are going on a camping trip! WE MUST DESTROY THEM AT ALL COSTS! Volunteers?

Figure 2: Why can't you go?

Figure 1: Back pain.

Figure 2: Ah.

Figure 3: *Waving his hands in the air* OOH! OOH! MESA WILL DO IT! MESA WILL!

Figure 1: You've got the job! Who else?

Figure 4: *Only his pointed hat sticks up above the table* TINGLE! TINGLE-TINGLE, KLOO-LIMPAH!

Figure 1: You're up too! EXCELLENT! SOON THE WORLD WILL BE AT MY COMMAND! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…gasp…*collapses on the table* …air…air…*Pulls out an inhaler, takes a puff, and continues laughing* HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!

Figure 2: WOW! *Holds up stopwatch* 15 seconds without going for his inhaler! THAT'S A RECORD!

Figure 1: I've been practicing! *Punches stomach and coughs*

Figure 5: GAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!!!!!! GO AROUND AND AROUND!!! *Starts playing his music*

Figure 4: *Hands over his ears* AAAAAHHHH! STOP IT! STOOOOOOOPPPPPP IIIIIIIITTTTTT!!!!!!!! I hate that song! HATE HATE HATE IIIIITTTT!!!!

Figure 5: Well, it's not like _I_ want to be reincarnated as a fairy, dingle-butt.

Figure 4: Shaddup, you.

I sorta slapped this together in my spare time, but I think it's good. If you disagree, then be warned; THE GORONS ARE COMING. 

This is GGGuy signing off for now, expect the NEXT chapter to be hilarious.

-GoroGoroGuy-


	2. Chapter two: The plot thickens...

The Zelda Characters Go…CAMPING!

Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Zelda isn't mine. Skullkid speaking all in caps isn't mine. All I own is this cardboard box and my squeaky bunny slippers. *SQUEAK*

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLCCCCCCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMME BACK!

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*The characters pack their stuff (not that, you sickos)*

Zelda: *Trying to cram a stuffed bear, a VCR/TV, a Gamecube and a pillow into a teensy tiny suitcase* EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRGH! GET IN THERE! IN! IN! IN!!!!!! IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!! *The bottom of her suitcase splits, spraying teddy bears everywhere*

Link: Here, use this null space-time pocket. *Hands Zelda a small brown bag*

Zelda: What's that?

Link: I keep my stuff in it. Where do you think I put all my weapons?

Zelda: Oh. *Dumps her suitcase into the bag. It fits perfectly, even though the bag is about five inches wide* COOL!

Rauru: You pack too much stuff, Zelda!

Zelda: Oh, you should talk.

Rauru: *A full-size refrigerator is strapped to his back* WHAT? I just packed a light snack!

Skullkid: OOH! OOH! Who wants to see my boxer shorts?

Everyone but Skullkid: EEEEEEEEEEW!!!! *They all shield their eyes*

Skullkid: HAR-HAR! No, look! *Holds up a pair of boxers with the words "Dangerous when exposed" stamped on them in big white letters*

Ganondorf: Ain't that the truth.

Skullkid: HEY!

Link: *to Ganondorf* and you would know that…HOW?

Ganondorf: Well, let's just say I get chills whenever I hear the phrase "I'm a big kid now."

Link: Ah.

Darunia: *Packing his boulder-shaped suitcase with various kinds of rocks* WHY do we have to go on this trip? I WANNA GO SEE STAR WARS!!!!!!*SOB*

Link: Since when do you like Star Wars, Darunia?

Darunia: Since I…uh…wellllllll…I…

Link: I thought so. IS EVERYBODY READY?

Everybody: YEAH!

Link: Then let's get in the truck and GO!

Everybody: YYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!! *They all get on a truck that appeared from nowhere* LET'S GO CAMPING! *The truck breaks in half from the weight on it* CRAP!

*On to the campsite, for sake of time*

*The truck (mysteriously repaired) pulls up to the check-in point that all campsites seem to have*

Guy in check-in: Hey, like, can I help yoo?

Link: Yeah, I'd like a spot that's suitable for…*counts everybody, gets stuck and stops* a whole F***ing lot of people.

Guy in check-in: Yeah, like, I'll have, like, a look at what we've got. *Glances down* Yep, we's got a space for a, like, F***ing lot of people. I can also give you a spot for, like, a Sh*tload of people if you'd like.

Link: Nope, I don't have that many.

Guy in check-in: Wait…like, HEY! Aren't you that guy who, like, clogged the toilets with like, cream cheese, like, five weeks ago?

Link: Uh…*Speeds away*

Guy in check-in: Damn it, like, every time…

*On the truck*

Zelda: Why do I think I've forgotten something?

Skullkid: I DUNNO! Maybe it has to with HOW MUCH STUFF YOU PACKED!

Zelda: No, that's not it. *SIGH* Well, maybe it'll come to me later…

*Back in the Kokori forest*

Impa: *Standing on the bridge connecting Hyrule field to the Kokori forest, holding two suitcases* They forgot us.

Ruto: Yep.

Impa: They actually forgot us.

Ruto: Yep.

Impa: This sucks.

Ruto: Yep.

Impa: Want to go play poker?

Ruto: Yep.

Impa: I that all you can say?

Ruto: Yep.

*Back at the campsite*

*For sake of time (again) the tents are set up*

Malon: AAH! CAN'T YOU JUST SMELL THAT FRESH AIR?

*Right on cue, Rauru farts*

Darunia: *Wrinkles his nose (or whatever he has)* No, not anymore.

Malon: EW! Rauru!

Rauru: *to himself* I shouldn't have eaten fifty tacos for breakfast…*Innocently* YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSS, Malon?

Malon: GO USE THE BATHROOM, YOU PIG!

Rauru: But there aren't bathrooms here, are there?

*A Port-a-Potty drops from the sky and lands on Rauru*

Malon: EEP! OH NO! RAURU! RAURU, CAN YOU HEAR ME?

Rauru: *Inside the potty* Uh…give me about five minutes! *FLUSH*

Skullkid: I'm HUNGry! Give mE somETHIng to EaT!

Link: Uh, Skullkid? Are…you all right?

Skullkid: YEs! In FACT, I FEEL GREAT! ABSOLUTE-ALLEY WONDERFUL!

Link: OH, NO!

Zelda: What happened?

Link: HE'S TURNED INTO *Dramatic music* -thank you, maestro.

Maestro with entire orchestra: You're welcome. *Bows*

Link: Thanks. Anyway, as I was saying- HE'S TURNED INTO…ALL-CAPS SKULLKID!

All: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

Skullkid: FEEL MY WRATH OF ICE! *Starts Ice-wrathing*

*At the headquarters of The Council of Annoying Supporting Characters (A.K.A Starbucks)*

Figure 1: The Thirty-fourth meeting of this council will come to order!

All: HUZZAH!

Figure 1: I demand a status report on operation "Miyamoto!" (a/n: I don't know how his name's spelled)

Figure 2: YESSIRREPORTINGFORDUTYSIR! ASYOUCANSEEALLOPERATIVESHAVEBEENPUTINTOPOSITIONASWESPEAK! WEWILLBEPROCEEDINGASPLANNEDSIR!

Figure 1: Did you, by any chance, get into the coffee stash again?

Figure 2: NOSIRWHYWOULDYOUSAYTHATSIR?

Figure 1: Call it a hunch.

Figure 2: OKAYIFYOUINSISTSIR! YOUWOULDSAYITBECAUSEITWASAHUNCH!

Figure 1: No, you moron. I mean that it's so obvious you had too much coffee.

Figure 2: IDON'TKNOWWHATYOU'RETALKINGABOUTSIR!

Figure 1: *Puts his head in his hands* Is there anybody ELSE who had too much coffee here?

*Everybody raises a rapidly vibrating hand*

Figure 1: That's it! I'm switching us to decaf! *He storms off*

Figure 6: WELLTHATWASRUDE!

Figure 7: HECANBESOIMMATURESOMETIMES.

Figure 6: TELLMEABOUTIT. HEYWHYHAVEN'TWESAIDOURMOTTOYET?

Figure 7: WEGOTSUEDFORUSINGSOMETHINGFROMPOKEMON.

Figure 6: OHISEE…

*Backtothecamp…sorry, I'm having trouble with not typing like I'm hyper…*

*Everything's frozen*

Skullkid: WOOHOO! FEEL MY WRATH OF ICE! *Ice wraths a toilet*

Zelda: *Hiding in a tent* AAH! GET BACK, YOU PSYCHO! I'M TRAINED IN THE MARTIAL ARTS!

Darunia: *Next to Zelda (on her right)* Um……….don't you mean arts and crafts?

Zelda: Uh…WHATEVER!

Skullkid: FEEL THE POWER OF PLAGARISM! WOOHOO! _FEEL MY WRATH OF ICE!_ *Starts to Ice Wrath again*

Zelda: EEP! Hold me, Link! *Hugs the person next to her on her left*

Skullkid: *Is being squeezed to death in the hug* HELP! LEGGO! LEGGO!

Zelda: AAAAAAAHHH! But…I…HOW? WHAT? …………………. I'm confused!!!!!

Skullkid: Oh, come on, you guys! You didn't actually think that was ME, did you?

*Everyone in the tent besides Skullkid shifts uneasily and hides various weapons they were going to use on him*

Skullkid: *Crosses his arms* Well, I'm PISSED! Can't you see the obvious difference?

All. *They look from the Skullkid outside (currently Ice-wrathing a bag of marshmallows) to the Skullkid in the tent* Nope.

Skullkid: That's Misty Dawn's Skullkid! GGGuy likes originality, so he'd never use anything of Misty's! (a/n: I'm not trying to be egoistic. I would NEVER use anything of MD's.)

Link: So how's that Skullkid different from you?

Skullkid: Let me explain…*the screen goes wavy and turns to a black and white flashback*

Skullkid' voice: It was five months ago, when it all began…

Ganondorf's voice: Hey, wait! Is this a flashback?

Skullkid's voice: Yeah, I think it's pretty OBVIOUS, G-dork.

Ganondorf's voice: GAH! I'M AFRAID OF FLASHBACKS! I WANT MY MOMMIES!

Link's voice: SUCK IT UP, YOU WUSS!

Skullkid's voice: That'll do, Link. Anyway, it all started…

*Five hours later*

Skullkid: And that's how it all happened.

*Everyone is asleep*

Skullkid: *Pouts* VERY FUNNY!

Link: *waking up*…huh? Oh, good story Skullkid.

MD's Skullkid: ARE YOU DONE YET? I NEED SOMETHING TO ICE WRATH!

Skullkid: Hang on! I'll find someone to sacrifice!

MD's Skullkid: ALRIGHTY THEN!

*Ganondorf gets pushed out of the tent*

Ganondorf: NO! WHY ME?!

Skullkid: Because I said so.

Ganondorf: I swear I didn't steal your boxer shorts! HONEST!

MD's Skullkid: FEEL MY WRATH OF ICE! MUAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Ganondorf: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Curls up into a ball*

MD's Skullkid: MUAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA- *A glass ball hurtles out of nowhere, smacking MD's Skullkid out of the air and onto the ground* OWCHIES!

GGGuy: ENOUGH! I can't even sleep with you guys making all this noise! YOU! *Points at MD's Skullkid, who is rubbing his butt in pain* GET BACK IN YOUR OWN FIC! I HAVE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO DO! LIKE SLEEP!!!!

MD's Skullkid: YA GONNA MAKE ME?

GGGuy: Yep.

MD's Skullkid: FEEL MY WRATH OF ICE!!!!!!! *Misses GGGuy and ice wraths a nearby tree*

A nearby tree: CRAP! NOT AGAIN!

Everybody else: O_O………………………………………

A nearby tree: What?

GGGuy: That was queer…

MD's Skullkid: YOU CAN NEVER DEFEAT ME!!!!!!

GGGuy: I can't, but I know some people who CAN! Oh, fellas! *Puts two fingers in his mouth and whistles*

Lawyers: SIR YES SIR! *They mob MD's Skullkid and pin him down*

Lawyer 1: GGGuy is suing you for damaging his fic. Please come with us. The nice police officers will escort you home.

MD's Skullkid: YOU'LL NEVER CAPTURE ME! HAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NEVER! *Vanishes in a cloud of maroon-colored smoke*

GGGuy: I'm hungry. I'll see you all later.

Link: WAIT! HOW IS THIS FIC BEING WRITTEN IF YOU'RE HERE?!

GGGuy: Uh…. GOTTA GO! *Vanishes*

Zelda: Where's G-dork and Rauru?

Skullkid: I found Ganondorf! *He's standing over a huddling pile of armor that looks remarkably like our friend Ganondorf*

Malon: Ganondorf?

Ganondorf: *still curled up* DON'T HURT MEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! I DON'T WANNA DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEE!!!

Malon: I think he's lost it.

Skullkid: I KNOW he's lost it.

Malon: Why's his armor on the crotch area all rusty?

Skullkid: *In an annoying sing-song voice* HA-HA! GANONDORF'S A BED-WETTER! HAHA!

Link: But, where's Rauru?

Malon: I haven't seen him.

Zelda: Me neither.

Darunia: Nope.

Saria: Not me.

Link: Well, I'd better go check the snack machines. *Walks off*

*Meanwhile, at the Council of annoying supporting characters*

Figure 1: I DEMAND A STATUS REPORT! WHERE'S FIGURE 2?

Figure 2: I right here, sir!

Figure 1: Are you calmed down now?

Figure 2: YES SIR! I'M A JOBER AS A SUDGE, SIR!

Figure 1: You weren't drinking, were you?

Figure 2: NO SIR! I SWEAR TO DRUNK THAT I AM NOT GOD!

Figure 1: Oooooo…kay. Anyway, WHAT IS THE STATUS OF PLAN B?

Figure 2: The first wave of annoyingness was repelled, SIR! But, we have managed to capture the fattest and best-loved character of them all, SIR!

Figure 1: Wow, you managed to capture Link?

Figure 2: NO SIR! We captured the loveable Rauru, SIR!

Figure 1: WHAT? WHAT GOOD IS HE GOING TO DO?

Figure 2: We will tell Link and his friends that unless they turn themselves in, we will give Rauru Liposuction until all those years of fattening up will be wasted!

Figure 1: EXCELLENT! Care to share an evil laugh?

Figure 2: I'd LOVE TO!

Both of them: MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!

WHO are the mysterious figures? WILL Rauru get Liposuction? WHY didn't anyone notice that Saria came from nowhere? And IS Ganondorf a bed-wetter? FIND OUT NEXT TIME…ON…THE ZELDA CHARACTERS GO CAMPING!

-GoroGoroGuy-


	3. Chapter three: The shortest chapter yet....

The Zelda Characters go…CAMPING!

GoroGoroGuy

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Rauru is fat. LEGO bricks should rain from the sky. If only life were so simple.

WELCOMEBACKTOANOTHERCHAPTEROFTHEZELDACHARACTERSGO…CAMPING!

*Gaaaasp*

**WE NOW RETURN TO…THE ZELDA CHARACTERS GO…CAMPING!!!!!**

*At the Council of annoying supporting characters (or something like that)*

Evil Mysterious Shadowy Figures 1 and 2: *Still laughing evil-y* ...hahahaha!!! Muahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Figure 2: Whatever.

Figure 1: Yeah. *Folds hands and reclines on his chair*

*Elsewhere in the headquarters, Rauru is in his cell, plotting his escape*

Rauru: *Watching "Barney" and singing along to the words* I LOVE YOU…YOU LOVE ME…WE'RE A HAPPY FAMILY!

*I SAID, PLOTTING HIS ESCAPE!!!!! *

Rauru: WITH A GREAT BIG HUG, AND A KISS FROM ME TO YOU! WON'T YOU SAY YOU-

*I SAID HE'S PLOTTING HIS ESCAPE!!!!! HAVE YOU GONE DEAF?! NOW DO IT, YOU BRAINLESS SACK OF LARD!!!!!! *

Rauru: *Takes off his headphones* I'm sorry, what? I couldn't hear you over my music.

*GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOLY FRIGGIN' JUJUBEES!!!!!! I QUIT! YOU PEOPLE ARE MORONS! I'M GOING TO GO WORK FOR ABC…*

Rauru: What's his problem?

*Two mysterious guards come up to his cell*

Mysterious guard figure 1: *Opens the cell door* You're coming with us.

Rauru: WOOPEE!!! *He runs towards the door but gets stuck in the doorframe*

SFX: SQUIIIIISH!

Mysterious guard figure 1: *SIGH* Get the grease, Jim…

*Five hours later, Rauru has been pushed out the door, taken to another room, strapped to a table and attached to a large suction thingy*

Figure: TELL THE OTHER ZELDA CHARACTERS TO SURRENDER AND GIVE UP THEIR TREASURED ROLES!

Rauru: NEVER!! And what is this thing, anyway? A cookie maker?

Figure 1: NO! IT IS A LIPO-SUCTION MACHINE!

Rauru: Oh.

Figure 1: We shall suck the fat from your body until your friends come and try to rescue you! Now if you'll excuse me, I'll leave the room for no particular reason.

*He does just that*

Lipo-suction guy: Say goodbye to your folds o' lard, tubby boy!

Rauru: Oh, no! I'll have to think fast to get out of this one!

AND NOW, A WORD FROM OUR SPONSOR:

Sponsor: Neewoogama!

AND NOW…BACK TO OUR SHOW

Rauru: *Standing over the unconscious form of the lipo-suction guy* That was a close one! Now to escape and tell the other characters of this diabolical scheme! *He runs off*

*Back at the campsite*

Link: *SIGH* Where in the name of Nayru is that Lard-Ball?

Skullkid: I TOLD you we should have checked the McDonalds the second he left.

Link: No you didn't. That was Ganondorf.

Darunia: In fact, you've been playing with your toes all day.

Skullkid: *putting his boots back on* NO I HAVEN'T!!!

Zelda: Hey, has anyone here noticed that we haven't done ANYTHING even remotely camping-like?

Skullkid: I can fix that! LET'S GO CANOEING!

Darunia: Is that even how you spell that?

Skullkid: YES! "That" is how you spell "that!"

Darunia: But is that how you spell canoeing?

Skullkid: NO!!! YOU DON'T SPELL "CANOEING" AS T-H-A-T!!!

Darunia: But I didn't SAY that!

Skullkid: Yes you did!!!!

Darunia: NO I DIDN'T!

Skullkid: UH-HUH!

Darunia: NEE-HAW!

Skullkid: UH-HUH!

Darunia: NEE-HAW!!!

Zelda: I'm confused. What are they talking about?

Skullkid: LET'S GO CANOEING!!!

*Two hours later, the truck with all the characters onboard pulls up to a shack with a river behind it. Everyone gets off the truck and walk inside*

Darunia: *He wrinkles his nose* Ew. This place smells like shit.

GGGuy: *He appears from nowhere* Uh-uh, Darunia! This is a PG fic! I'm afraid I will have to slap you now! *He slaps Darunia and vanishes*

Darunia: OWIES!! *Rubs his nose in pain*

Link: *Walks up to the guy behind the counter* Hi, I'd like to rent six canoes.

Guy behind the counter: Okay. I'l just- *His eyes roll back into his head and his voice deepens* STAB YOU THROUGH THE HEAD, AND MAKE A HUMAN SHISCABOB!!! HA HA, HA HA, HA HA ! *He becomes normal again* Stop it, Bob ! I'm sick of you taking over when a customer comes! You scare them off! *He becomes possessed again* I SHALL NEVER STOP!!!! I WILL STAB YOU AS WELL, AND THEN I WILL FIND A MORE SUITABLE HOST BODY!!! HA HA, HA HA!! *Unpossessed* Cram it! You're acting up again, just like the last time! Stop threatening everyone! *Possessed* YOU CANNOT MAKE ME!!! NOW SUFFER MY WRATH!!! *He punches himself repeatedly in the head* *Unpossessed* Ow!! Stop hitting meee!!! *Possessed* YOU ARE A WEAK MORTAL!!! YOU WILL DIE IN THE NAME OF THE HENCHMAN OF SATAN, THE FEARSOME DEMON BOB!!!!! BWAHAHAHHAAAHAHHAHAAAA!! *He becomes unpossessed but continues hitting himself* Ow! Stop it! You're only hurting yourself!!!!! *Possessed* NEVER!!! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!! *Unpossessed* DIE!!! BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-Oh, wait, I'm not possessed anymore. Stop confusing meeeeeeeee!!!! *Possessed* NEVER!!!! *Continues punching himself* *Unpossessed* Stop using the word "never!" *Possessed* NEVER!!!! *More punching*

Link: Uh, can I get a canoe here?

*This could take a while, so we'll join Rauru in his quest to escape the evil clutches of The Council of Annoying Supporting Characters…*

Rauru: *Dashing through a dimly lit, extremely narrow hallway somewhere in the headquarters, singing the "Mission Impossible" theme* Dun, dun, dun-dun-dun, dun, dun, dun dun dun. Dun, dun, dun dun dun! Dun, dun, dun dun dun !! Dun-dun-duuuun !! Dun-dun-duuuun !! Dun-dun-duuuun…DUN-DUN !! Dun, dun, dun-dun-dun-…

Guard walking through the hallway for no reason: I'm a little teapot, short and stooouuutt!! Here is my handle, here is my spout! When I boil over, here me spout! Tip me over and pooooour me out! Um…I'm a little teapot, short and stout…

Rauru: Oh no! He's walking towards me! *He flattens himself against the wall, which very hard to do with his enormous girth*

Guard: And that's the way we all became the Brady Bunch!! The Brady buuunch…*He walks around the very obvious and rotund Rauru without so much as a glance*

Rauru: That was close! Now to get out of here! *He runs down the hall*

*Five hours later, Rauru runs past the exact same spot*

Rauru: Oh *PANT* great. *PANT* I've been *PANT* going in *PANT* circles. This *PANT* sucks *PANT*. Goodniiiight… He falls down and cracks through the floor into the level below.

BACK TO THE CANOES!!!!!!

Guy behind the counter: *In a full-blown wrestling match with himself* Gah!! Stop it! Possessed* NEVER! DIE, MORTAL FOOL!! *Unpossessed* Ow! Owie!!! Stop it! *Possessed* YOU CAN NEVER DEFEAT ME!!!!

Link: Let's just go and get the canoes… 

Everyone else: *Watching the fight, eating popcorn and wearing 3-D glasses* AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW…*they all shuffle off*

*And so, the Zelda peeps go and get the canoes themselves, something they should have done earlier*

Darunia: *Unfastening a canoe* ^$%^! Where are the paddles? Aren't we supposed to have- *He is knocked out by two paddles that fall magically from the sky above him* OW!! SON OF A #$^@%&!!!!!!

Deep Booming Voice: You deserved it.

Darunia: *Rubbing his head in pain* Shut up.

Deep Booming Voice: No. I am on orders to punish anyone who swears.

Skullkid: Darn!!! *He gets hit by lightning* HEY! "Darn" isn't a swear!

DBV: I know. I just hate you.

Link: Everybody ready?

A man named Everybody: NO! WHY DOES EVERYONE ALWAYS ASK ME THAT?

All: O_O…

A man named Everybody: What?

END CHAPTER 3

WILL Rauru get out of the COASC's evil lair in time? WHY is Saria gone now? WHO are figures 1 and 2? And why the hell do I have to get writer's block NOW?

THE ANSWERS TO NONE OF THESE QUESTIONS AND MORE, NEXT TIME…ON…

THE ZELDA CHARACTERS GO…CAMPING!


End file.
